MONICA DANIELS
WALLS
I put up walls
I put up 7 years worth of walls
I put up 7 years worth of walls
and somehow you climbed them
you got over the walls I put up
7 years I put up 7 years worth of walls
and it didn’t even take you that long
7 years of walls and somehow you
you we’re welcome I put up 7 years
7 years and intruder alarms did not go off
7 years worth of walls and you were wanted
I put up 7 years 7 years of pain 7 years of hurt
7 years of tears and mistrust 7 years of nothing gained
to keep out those same things 7 years of them
so I could have 7 years without them
7 years of walls and you climbed them in one bound
I put up 7 years of worth of walls and it didn’t take you long
you got over after 7 years and it didn’t even feel wrong
I let you in and I don’t know how and now I’m wondering why
I’m wondering why I let down my guard
why for you it wasn’t that hard
years 7 years I kept myself safe
7 years now gone like they never existed
heart broken again broken after 7 years
and it hurts even more this time because I sheltered
I didn’t let it feel we never felt we coasted along
we coasted not caring because caring means pain
caring means trust and trust can lead to betrayal
you are now the reason behind the reasoning
the reason why I built it built 7 years
should I build up 7 more or let the hurt wash over me
should I accept the pain and never feel this way again
or will I feel it either way so 7 more years 7 more years of walls
7 more years of being detached 7 more years if I don’t care
7 more years of he’s really nothing to me
7 more years of a lock with no key 7 more
By Monica Daniels
13012 AVENUE
I only walk on two way roads
Lonely as they might be
Solely my feet tread one side
The other filled with anti-company
But I always have these open arms
Yet nowhere for me to run to
Tell me your fears and tell me your secrets
I’ll keep them safe in here with mine
My shoulder is here for your head to rest
My face searching for a chest to bury in
I will stand beside & help you slay dragons
Then hurry home to fight my fires alone
So many takers
I have so much to give
Your witnessing proof of my value
But this is no way to live
By Monica Daniels
RYE BREAD
Don’t you worry your pretty little head about me
Been two weeks and did you think about me
I wish I could say, I’m moving on
I’m trying and I know, it’s taking too long
You were dense and delicious the opposite of hurt
And everything I thought I wanted until I realized you weren’t
So don’t you worry your pretty little head about me
It’s no use and you can keep your sorry
I wish I could say, I’m moving on
but I’d be lying, I’m still not that strong
By Monica Daniels
ONE WAY
Just two weeks for keeping time
Playing rhythm rushed to match my rhyme
Can’t tell the future till it’s the past
But I already knew this thing wouldn’t last
Like a dream that’s a little too foggy
You’ll wake on the wrong side of what it could be
To open doors that can’t be closed
Making it hard to drown echoes
So don’t say you wish I’d stay
Cause miles are tearing me apart anyway
I won’t even miss this when its gone
Ain’t no use in you hanging on
Its simple it clear I got a one way ticket out of here
Fleeting moments spent leave imprints deep under skin
You’ll still feel me but probably won’t see me again
It’s best if you skip the pain even though you miss the in between
See didn’t I tell you timing’s everything
So don’t say you wish I’d stay
Cause miles are tearing me apart anyway
I won’t even miss this when its gone
Ain’t no use in you hanging on
Its simple it clear I got a one way ticket out of here
By Monica Daniels
FLY
As she helped me pack up 18 odd years
I’m headed out to face my fears
With boxes of shoes books dishes and clothes
She’s the only one who really knows
How hard it is, to leave the only house I’ve ever know
And face the world out there on my own
Not just mom, she’s my best friend
Knows I’m scared if I go I can’t come back again
So she looked at me and said
I’m here to give you roots and wings
A place where you could explore your dreams
So while you’re soaring out there on your own
Know that you can always come back home
This isn’t goodbye I’m just happy to be here to watch you fly
By Monica Daniels
STAND PERFECTLY STILL
Palpable glance wonder in and out passing.
Stand perfectly still.
Stare enthused comes closer.
Stand perfectly still hear sigh release hear heart beat pounding.
Seconds anxious steps five closer.
Hear heart beat pounding mine and not mine.
Pining hands reach wait touch mine and not mine.
Strength pulls near wait touch reverie.
Forbidden lips say missing words I shouldn’t hear.
Heart stops love weak legs mine.
Wistful weak steps taken back not mine.
Stand perfectly still.
Grasping eyes realize an early unwanted goodbye.
Hear sigh release stand perfectly still.
Stand perfectly still.
By Monica Daniels
AUTUMN IN NEW YORK
We had no need to call it anything
No future plans no holding strings
So that when I miss you it won’t hurt
I’ll see you again autumn in New York
At first I kicked myself for shadowed lines
I wasn’t your’s and you weren’t mine
I thought I was wasting time
Turns out our reason had no rhyme
We had no need to call it anything
No future plans no chasing dreams
So now when I miss you it doesn’t hurt
I’ll see you soon autumn in New York
By Monica Daniels
STARS IN THE DARK
In a world where darkness prevails
True hearts get lonely when affection fails
And the shadows outside try to swallow us whole
But we can find warmth surrounded by cold
When good is few and far between
True friends identity easily seen
Through the dark, illuminating stars
Even from a distance can warm our hearts
By Monica Daniels
WORTH LOVE
I’ve have my fair share of mistakes
Broken hearts with tearful days
And when I hang out with friends
The fact I’m single always comes up
Just cause I don’t have a beginning to my happy end
Doesn’t mean I’m on the hunt
I might be too old for wasting time
No I’m not looking but I’m not blind
Don’t want to be the one to get it wrong
I know good love’s worth waiting on
By Monica Daniels
REASON
After a week of exploration I turn my ear back to you
Stable of my inspiration where hearts beat true
I find it hard to hold you close enough to touch
Wishing I could have you cause the music says I need you so much
You are my reason I love your rhyme
How can I reach you in half the time
I’m trying to get to you I’m trying to find
How to make you mine
Crying at night because I can’t sleep
Not knowing my heart is the company you keep
I won’t waste water so with each falls a word
My sighs in the melody I’m sure you’ve heard
You are my reason I love your rhyme
You’re my destination how can I reach you in half the time
My heart’s trying to get to you I’m trying to find
How to get to that place where your’s is mine
You teach me something new but everyday the same lesson
You are seven satisfying answers to my endless question
You are my reason I love your rhyme
You’re my destination how can I reach you in half the time
My heart’s trying to get to you I’m trying to find
How to get to that place when your’s is mine
After a week of exploration I turn my ear back to you
Stable of my inspiration where hearts beat true
By Monica Daniels
FORCEFUL
Wilberforce I love you.
Your pride, and insecurity.
For your conviction and loyalty.
Because you are impatient and prone to rash decisions.
I love you for your beliefs and your belief in me.
I love you for your interest.
Your humanity and love.
I love you with my tears and living breath.
I love you from London to Africa from the west indies to the Americas.
I love you for your integrity.
I love you for you are a savior in your own right and a king in the eyes of those that haven’t right.
I love you for your virtue and because you try to make the world a better place.
For wet grass and spider webs.
I love you for your recognition of divinity.
For you are divine.
I love you because I belong to god and never any man.
By Monica Daniels
NO HIDING
Stand up step forward put your arms around me, I’ll reach for the light.
This is me in the dark the me that hides behind shadows the me safely under the covers.
This is the dark me now let there be light.
Here lie my flaws amidst what I flaunt those are my secrets and all this is truth.
This is my life and this is how I live this is the old woman that keeps disguising my youth.
Hiding deep underneath her skin I just keep longing for real love.
All my searches are spent in vain no matter how much I push and shove.
Stand up step forward put your arms around me.
Focus on the mirror I’ll reach for the light.
This is me the me in the dark and this is why I hide now let there be light.
By Monica Daniels
ADVICE
Don’t bat your eyes girl it won’t make a difference
Pick up the pace you’re falling far behind
He’ll just keep taking the path of lease resistance
Stop thinking what your thinking tell yourself never-mind
Count your blessing focus on each step your making
Many who didn’t fill the is hollow ground below you
Every leap of faith you may fall but every jump is worth taking
You wont regret the things you’ve done but those you didn’t
Absorb yourself in wine and drown yourself in water
Stay open to learning all things you never knew you didn’t know
Be glad when you say I am my mothers daughter
Be stubborn as you are hold your dreams whatever you do don’t let go
By Monica Daniels
THE BOY
I’m letting go now
Even if I told you wouldn’t understand how
I’m putting up another wall
You’re gonna climb and you’re gonna fall
I want you to know I’m not waiting anymore
You unintentionally made me, close that door
I hope it’s not too late the day you finally realize
You don’t know yet but it won’t be a surprise
I’ll still let you tell me I’m in your top 5
And you’ll always be in mine dead or alive
I’m gonna back away from the us possibility
You find me attractive now but just not physically
I’ll keep feeling alone even though I’m not alone
You’re gonna keep calling and I’ll still answer the phone
By Monica Daniels
WEDDING DAY
Today’s your big day
You’re not single anymore
It’s the beginning of a new life
With the man you adore
Find joy in your love
And continue to believe
The feelings you feel now
Some only wish to receive
What God has put together let none pull apart
So each step down the isle
Walk with faith in your heart
By Monica Daniels
LIL SISTER
Come with me tomorrow and lets play a game little sister
Lets pretend like we grew up in a house where everyone was happy
Lets pretend like we had toys when we were young
Lets imagine that we went for car rides a cross the country
And drank slushies along the way
Lets say that we had picnics in the summer sun
And water balloon fights on the front lawn
Lets act as if we had play names like Veronica and Shashana
And that we had our own language
Lets pretend we ate burgers and hot dogs the size of cars
And ran away from dinosaurs oh wait that was just you
And lets pretend I laughed out loud
Lets say we swam with mommy and daddy in Mexico
Lets pretend like these are our memories because they are
Don’t forget there were good times too
By Monica Daniels
GLAMOURED
You touch me softly with your cold nervous fingers
I feel the hairs on my arms stand as you pull me closer we hug then
We sit on the bed and watch the dates and the sadness of no recollection
You laugh hysterically at the mishaps and I awe at the cute persistence
We look at each other to break the separation you ask me if you can come closer
I say of course as I think please, as I sink into your arms
I’m souffle so composed but melting on the inside
Wanting and scared of its inevitably I feel your eyes shift downward
And I raise mine they meet at this magical place that I’ve never been before
I will visit there with no one else but you and you kiss me
A chill rolls down my spine when suddenly your icy lip press warm against my neck
In one swift motion we are hovering and me motionless pulled deep into your eyes
I am glamoured by you
By Monica Daniels
FLIRTATION AND HESITATION
Step to me with your bright-eyed bushy tailed prince charming smile
Come sit with me, flirt with me and lets just talk for a while
Let our conversation reek of the things our dreams are made of
Take some time let my heart speak and maybe you’ll fall in love
Falling for the laughter and you cant help you make me smile
And now I just want to be near you so lets walk while we talk for a while
Each step I take beside you with only my toes in the sand
The effort I make only enough so just your fingers graze my hand
Your touch has me thinking I’d be your girl if you’d be my boyfriend
My eyes are saying come on now boy and I know you understand
You’re driving me crazy with this teasing me taunting me
I’m too afraid to touch you so all I can do is look at you wantonly
By Monica Daniels
B
You are the last night in May and the first day in June all wrapped into one
You are a tropical Island snow on the eve of a year to come and crisp night air on a rooftop in the city
You are conversation on the second night we spent the first things we have in common our family our friends
You are wiki-pedia for my sci-fi fantasy and the diary where my excitement runs
You the guide that makes sure I get lost, the reference book to my comic relief
You are the best match to my blue sunglasses
And my bestie even when I didn’t realize I was telling you everything
By Monica Daniels
THE ARSONIST, THE CARRION
Arsonist use kerosene.
But you just crushed my dreams.
You covered my mouth with a kiss so no one could hear me shout.
Then set my heart ablaze and stomp on my chest to put the fire out.
I’m left a broken winged flightless bird.
Trying to reach the sky is so absurd.
But you’re the dead thing cold with no heart.
I’ll be here healing while vultures tear you apart.
By Monica Daniels
NATURAL
The only natural disasters aren’t disasters at all
Emo driven climb into your hearts and wait to fall
Just the unexpected little surprises that we call life
Somethings you can get rid of by going under the knife
And this life is no disaster its beauty, its pain, newness and for now death
Tonight I’m catching my tongue without holding my breath
Its hope and tragedy all wrapped into one
Put me back together and I’m ultimately undone
The color of dried flowers and the taste of red wine
This is life in fast forward you only thought you pressed rewind
By Monica Daniels
WATCHING YOU BURN
Wine back the clock in my chest it was ticking like I time bomb
Un-pinned grenades fall to the ground and splash back up slapping you in the face
Your scarred for life with my blood and tears
Your burns are deep and the sizzling never stops
Wanting to apply pressure with cream to calm the flame
But the bandages don’t hide how disfigured you are
I leak salty water from my eyes on to your open wounds
And I cringe because it hurts me to hurt you even though you be so deserving
You wouldn’t tear out your eyes so I tried to do it for you
But you smacked my hand and kissed me deeply
And then me pushing you away lighting a match
And watching you burn
By Monica Daniels
DARK LIGHT
Light threw the peephole cover me with your scolding blaze
I can’t feel you I see threw my eyelids so my eyebrows raise
I wish I could touch you wish you could heal my chill
Staring deep into you my lashes flutter I sense the thrill
Bring me from this cold stiff place to the warmth pulse you call home
Widen out the space you enter and surround me
Illuminate the dark corners of this existence unknown
I am trapped behind this cushion protection I sook
I try so hard restraint to peel off
Each layer is shed as two more appear
So my landing will be soft
By Monica Daniels
INNOCENT BIBLE BABY
Innocent bible baby drink the milk you’ve been given
Learn of a life worth living
Stay sheltered under loving arms
Steer clear of the worlds charms that will blind before it harms
Let pride not be your guide but be humble to a fault
Never forget on whom to call
Innocent bible baby believe in things you haven’t seen
There’s evidence all around you giving you hope and faith to lean
By Monica Daniels
APRIL 7, 2008
Breathe your lover in
Kiss every freckle
And count every kiss
Pray to God there’s nothing you can’t don’t and won’t miss
Walk into forever
Hand and hand through the journey of love
Tell each other all your deepest desires
Stay true to one another in a world full of liars
Be madly in love
So you never sleep with anger
Be rarely out of sight and never out of mind
Letting love take a moment each day to stop time
By Monica Daniels
WE SHOVEL DIRT
They say it never dies but you did your best to bury it as we watched each other flat line you stood over me laughing as I struggle to take my last breath I searched for a cure while you lie obviously in pain and tried my best to resuscitate your lifeless body when our struggle came to an end you walked away from the beautiful disaster that was us you walked away because you could un-scarred no permanent damage done and I stayed there craving you because I had no choice you fell and so did I we had the same fears the only difference was courage courage I had and you didn’t so you tried to hide it and you forgot that I knew you the real you not this shell of an Adonis that you wish held the soul of a man I know the real you no matter the hurtful things you said the things you tried to make me believe the things you thought would make the blow easier to take you’re attempt to cushion cuts like unseen thorns I’m tangled in but the eyes are windows to the soul and you refused to let me see yours and from the heart the mouth speaks and your lips couldn’t say they loved me no longer so now I know true love never really dies but it can be buried because we know how to shovel dirt
By Monica Daniels
BURDENED
I carry this burden within my soul
It shakes me gently and releases poison into my veins
It feels good but aches completely
It grows and becomes more than it started off being
And it is all I’ve ever feared but all I’ve ever wanted
It is all that I planned for yet totally unexpected
Full of love and also the death of me
This burden inside is squeezing the life out of me
And my body wants it out but it’s not ready to be free
And my heart wants to embrace it but what would that mean
I believe I can’t accept this burden though I asked for it all the same
I hear it rumbling inside creating shock waves electric pulses
invisible to the human eye but strong enough to knock you to your feet
It steals a piece of my existence every second of every day
Binds together making itself stronger and me weaker making me sick
Making me weak to the grasp of it pulling me in
This foreign object in side that is of an art
I do not know but see it every time I walk past a mirror or look into his eyes
This burden haunts me from within though
In denial of what it is yet completely aware of its actual existence
And the fact that I know something is amidst
I know that there must be a reason for this anxiety
A reason for the tears and feeling like I want to vomit
A reason for my wanting there to be a reason
Other than the only reason I now think it must be and now wondering
Am I ok with that as if I had the choice not to be
As if one decides to freefall
By Monica Daniels
SAXOPHONE
There is nothing more beautiful nothing more whole
Than the feel of a heart growing warm from once cold
The music you suggested a gift well received
Gave me faith in things once believed
And a heart so lively with these words so free
That they dance out playful and flirt on jazzy
Hear the sound of words from where a heart beats
And when words don’t come instead the music speaks
We dream with the poets mind
Writing the words I wished to find
We soak in the sax with that woodwind tone
Every pitch a sound you’d like to call your own
Always changing it’s melody while keeping us in rhyme
Letting you inside me and then stopping time
By Monica Daniels
GIVING UP ON LOVE
There is nothing in my hands that will not soon slip away
There is nothing that I love that will live on one more day
They die with me tonight
They slip slowly away
The crime is I don’t fight
And a high toll I pay
Hidden tucked deep in whatever is left of me
Lying dormient inside the real self what I used to be
Me a walking corpse traveling with no aim
So tears my love will never see
You win the argument against no claim
Breaking my soul for the sake of being manly
Who are you, you are the one being held up by the puppeteers strings
Yet still you are the one I to be with for the joy it brings
You try hard to creep into my heart
It incapable of escape form previously broken wings
You pier into my hallow chest to find art
And listen patiently for the jazzy melody you’ve been told it sings
And I wonder why you listen because it doesn’t beat
And upon peering into the mirror I would fall to my feet
I tell you these things in all honesty and with trust
Please know that I wish for you not to retreat
But do see the difference between love and lust
And you and I being two does not complete or make this us
Not lackluster in life I can spend time with you for hours
One mention of love and this empty spot between my breast bone cowers
I am frail and weak only in this respect
So over me your persistence towers
Now you are here and promise to protect
I lack naivete yet also resistance to your powers
So now its time I fall for you soft and slow
And how it will end I hate the fact I do not know
By Monica Daniels
OBJECT OF AFFECTION
I wonder if you know you
Possess me
Breathe me in
Swallow me whole
Complete me
Heal wounds and bandage heart
Bandage with words playful from a tingling tongue
Not my own but the feel I constantly want to partake of
Words like the heart beat watching my approach from across a crowded room
Can you feel the red, black, green and white
Red as the blood pumping swiftly between our hearts
Black as the secret desires hiding shadowy in the deepest night of our souls
Green like this youthful life we are full of, running through our veins every second our hearts beat
And white, white as the purity of it all the true-ness of everything that is unspoken between these bodies
Heart and soul
What a blank page we are what an old but somehow new thing this is
And how awkwardly comfortable it makes itself in our daily lives
Lingering when lonely and hugging with its essence
At times affecting us more when the object of these affections isn’t at all close in presence
By Monica Daniels
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Can we stop taking this so slow
I’m tired of being just your next number
Its about time we name this
And if you say patience is a virtue
Well then well I’ve been virtuous
Let’s get this show on
Let’s move forward and go on
Kiss me again and once more and another time
What is this
This is you this is me but is this us
Or are those words to go left unspoken
Or do you with purpose leave me here disheveled and broken
I’m cracking the porcelain statue that is you
And seeing the ruins left behind I find the truth
Is moving forward that hard to do
How do you give definition to a word that is not in your vocabulary
How do we live a life of sin and yet act as if this world is a monastery
I refuse the silence that we now stay in comfortably
Screaming it all out loud unlike the whispers to yellow flowers of calamity
Watch me slowly undo the knots that confused us while the cat has your tongue
Then the words will be clear and maybe then you’ll finally get some
By Monica Daniels
PERPETUAL RIPPLES
When the rain falls and the tide recedes
Only perpetual ripples left of past belief
And a crave of evidence where they meet
Again they come and again retreat
How fickle how constant we’re known to be
The rain will fall and salt the sea
Short lived and temporary though they may seem
Yet go on endless and eternal they teem
And where they go is where they reside
Floating lightly above us in plain sight they hide
Ever moving in rivers ocean and sky
Hold us captive and save our lives
Melting and bending and settling as dew
Every languid caress every quench anew
By Monica Daniels